by Trinity Lockett
It is clear, Black women are not a beauty standard. Darkskin women are put down and our features are compared to animals. We are told we are too masculine for our tone despite our defined curves. There are so many criticisms and negativity towards Black women; how could one expect a Black woman to love themselves if the world tells them not to? This article will discuss the struggles I personally had with loving myself and advice for young black girls who battle with the same obstacles I did.
Many adults in my infant years gave me compliments. “You have such pretty eyebrows!”, or, “Your lashes are so beautiful!”, and even, “Your hair is amazing!”. In 5th grade, I started attending a public school and suddenly everyone had something bad to say. I was called a gorilla and it was clear that dark-skinned girls were not treated the same as the lighter ones. I did not feel terrible to the point of suicide, but in hindsight, I did not have a high sense of self-esteem. It was like, I knew I was not ugly, but I did not feel pretty either. I felt like being humble was a good trait. However, I did not need to be humbled. So, why was I?
I am disappointed, looking back, at all that I settled for because I did not know my worth. I lowered my standards to date guys because I thought that was all I would ever get at the moment. I put myself down so that a ‘friend’ can make herself feel better. I allowed people to make negative comments about my appearance disguised as ‘jokes’. I decided, around 8th grade, that the serious insults and even the jokes could have negative effects on my personal perspectives. I told myself, “No more. No more gorilla. No more monkey. No more ugly. If people can not respect that, then that person can not afford you”. I decided I was going to invest in myself. As a 16-year-old, I still make mistakes that hurt my confidence. I am still learning and growing. However, I know that what I am worth and will not let anyone else convince me otherwise.
For young Black girls that feel the same way, I have a small and basic checklist. Remember, self-love is a journey, not a destination, and we all move at different speeds. Be safe, Stay healthy, and Take care.
Listen to Mary J. Blige (Good Woman Down is the best but any song will do.)
Look at yourself in the mirror and hype yourself up!
Keep a journal
Try to stop negative self-talk and negativity from others (if you do not like confrontation, simply ignoring will work.)
Surround yourself with positive energy (for me that means having supportive friends, projects I love, and making music.)
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